Every year, November 19th is designated to celebrate men worldwide for their impactful contributions to the world. This year’s theme, “Positive Role Models,” emphasizes the importance of men in shaping and building a better world for everyone. As society progresses, the role of men as drivers of positive change becomes increasingly significant.
In honor of International Men’s Day, I am inspired to share some notes with men to remind them of how positively they influence and can influence the world. These notes touch on fatherhood, the experience of being a son, masculinity, the experience of being a man in Nigeria, and managing finances and responsibilities. I hope they resonate emotionally, evoke a sense of importance for men of all ages and stages of life, and affirm that every man’s voice matters. I also hope it inspires men to become better.
To the boy learning what it means to be a man
It’s okay to be scared. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear; it is choosing to act despite the fear. Take your time. The world won’t crumble if you stumble. Vulnerability is not a disease; it is strength. You must have read jarring stories about adulthood. Keep calm, you will be fine. Treat every person with respect and always stand up for yourself.
To the young boy told to ‘man up’
You are allowed to feel. Strength is found in embracing your emotions, not ignoring them. You don’t need to suppress your feelings. Instead, face and acknowledge them. True courage lies in understanding and mastering your emotions, leveraging them for growth. You don’t have to be tough at all times. It’s okay to cry, express joy, or seek help. Be emotionally intelligent; it helps to connect, empathize and lead. Being human is enough; you don’t have to prove otherwise. Read Imoh Umoren‘s message on mental wellness here.
To fathers
As a father, teach your children the dynamics of the world. Teach your girls to demand respect by showing them what it looks like. Tell your children they are enough and can become whatever they wish. Teach your boys that being a man means being kind, respectful, and accountable. Lead by example and let them learn from you. Your presence is as valuable as the money you provide, so show up for the PTA meetings and on important days of your children’s lives.
Teach your children that violence and abuse are never signs of strength or love. Teach your children the importance of consent, boundaries, and empathy. Let your boys know that true masculinity lies in protecting, not harming, others. Show them that real men respect all lives, and instill in them values that make the world safer for everyone. Teach them to support men too. Men must take men’s issues seriously to create a holistic society. Show up for your children, however you can.
To the man in a toxic environment
We are in a society that forces men to let go of emotional hurt, shake it off and not acknowledge it. Give yourself the chance to feel all the feels and then step out of toxicity, so you don’t pass it on to generations to come. As a father, you don’t have to be abusive to your children in order to be seen as strict. As an elder brother, you don’t have to be domineering to earn respect. Instead, be a guide, a listener, and a source of comfort. Show compassion and lead with kindness. Break the cycle of control and replace it with understanding. Teach that true leadership lies in humility and empowering those around you.
To every man reading this
You matter. Not for the roles you play, your accomplishments or the burdens you bear, but simply for who you are: a (hu)man. Whether you’re navigating societal expectations, grappling with emotions, or carrying the weight of responsibilities, remember that your worth isn’t tied to perfection, achievements, strength, or societal standards. You are enough, as you are, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Happy International Men’s Day!
